Ashu- -

Hey LJ.
This is just for you.
School's really been messed up for the past few days. I've tried to make amends, but no one seems to care anymore.
Well, let's rewind back to Thursday.
I heard from ****** that ****** called ******* ugly. How could she, really. So I wanted revenge, and I started this blog, and my life went downhill from there. Closed the blog at 1am on Friday, which is practically still Thursday night. On Friday evening, I got a call from Evelyn and was shocked. A Gossip Girl 2 had emerged, a girl with no creativity and no originality whatsoever. So I'm sorry, I just don't feel like talking about this anymore.
Wednesday, July 1 2009 was an all time low for me.
Let's hope life turns around for me now.
I wish I didn't lose friends because of this whole saga, but I'd be a fool to believe that I haven't. So thank you to people who have been by my side, sorry to the people I hurt and a big fat **** you to Ashu and Gossip Girl 2.


,ashu

Keep the David.

I was watching Desperate Housewives last week, and it made me think. Why do we really keep secrets? Why is there this compulsive need to hide things from the closest of the friends, from our families and peers? We all have them. Secrets which could kill relationships - which could change the way the world looks at us ever again. Secret lives we live in the privacy of our bedroom, but only a door away from being exposed.  People have knocked on the doors to my secrets, and I have opened most of them to the select few. However, two doors remain locked, and shall remained locked. More or less, forever.

it's been quite a while, hasn't it? I've been so caught up with other things, that I neglected this. And it shall stay neglected for a while more.

When I grow up, I know I'm gonna be a star baby!

People have interesting ways of learning of the many secrets and dirt which each of us conceal. Some of us, like to gossip. People trust us with their secrets and dirt, and we have a quiet knowledge about them. Some of us will immediately reveal the more juicy dirt, but will keep the more private, personal dirt to themselves and their best friends. Others, will straight out ask you, "What's your dirt?" and will not bother to beat around the bush, by pleading and promising; in the end, almost all of us will reveal our dirt to our friends who ask. Why is this so? Why do we have to go through such a vigorous route to reach the ultimate destination? It's because we like the power. We like the power that comes along with the begging. We know that we are in control, and we know that it is a chance once again to be gossiped about. These are the people who will casually tell the first 1/100 of a secret, and will reveal the rest gradually. However, there are some of us who just refuse to tell us their dirt. Are these weird people? I'd rather call them the powerful. They have enough power in their lives, and do not desire to get power from such means. In the end, it is this power which shapes our lives. It is our ultimate desire, to be able to control everything that happens.

Life gives us so many relationships; and many of them are shortlived. We forget about most of them, but there are those few which we just can't get over. Even though we know that its over, we still hold on to everything - photos & SMS-es. We read these SMS-es and look at these photos every night before we go to sleep; and for the next eight hours, we lie in bed and fantasize of a rekindled relationship. It's great if we have someone to help us get over the relationship; reduce our load. But for some of us, we have to carry the whole load by ourself and it tires us out. But why do we even bother carrying this emotional load? Because deep inside our heart, we know that anything can happen; the person who you're trying to get over so desperately could just sweep you off your feat and bring you back into his arms.

Change. All of us want to change; we want to let go of our horrid past and change our lives around. We want to change our image; we want to change ourselves. I believe that change, is always good. Change brings about new experiences; experiences we never could have experienced if we had remained who we were. I'm looking for a way to change. It is possible my dears, to change your whole life around; you could be a nobody today, and end up being an Oprah tomorrow - you just need to know HOW to change your life. And that's the hardest part. Finding out how to change. Thankfully, faith can get us through. Everyone has faith in something/someone; some put their faith in a higher being (God), others put it in other people, people they trust. I put my faith in myself, and in my dreams. I believe that I, on my own, can change my life to make the life I want.

Imagine owning a house in front of the Sydney Opera House. Wow. That'll be so cool. Today was a great day. Had a lot of fun, but the sun beat down on me relentlessly. I mean really. Why is it so hot?! It's only June. Gosh. And this post is so immature!

Now for a more mature post! Okay. No inspiration. Tura.

Change really isn't all its made out to be. Not all change is good; there's so much negative change. I was talking to Esther today, and she told me she was watching Scooby-Doo, and that brought back more memories. I've been in this Scooby Doo craze for the past week, and so I finally went looking for Scooby Doo, Where Are You episodes, and I found them on YouTube. I watched one of them "A Night of Fright is No Delight" just now. It was really great to see Mystery Inc. from 1969 again. I last watched it in 1999-2000. Can you imagine? It's like almost 40 years old. And it still has this old-school charm with no other cartoon can ever emulate. Sigh. I also remember in Primary 1, my mum would tuck me in at 9 or 10. And then she'd rush to watch Ally McBeal. I always wanted to watch Ally McBeal. Who knows? I may start this hols.

Bree's red hair. Sigh. Anyway, more Desperate Housewives today, and a lot more reflections. I'm really glad for so many of my relationships, which are parallel to those of the housewives. And as much as I say that I hate certain people, or that some people are better off out of my life, I know that deep inside I don't mean it! I need each and everyone of you to be who I am. To be Ashu. So thanks everyone. (:

Yes. My life is almost perfect without you.

Ah, teenagers. Everyone was a teenager; most of us want to be a teenager again, and some of us can't be more glad to get out of those teenage years. A lot of us remember our teenage years, for our teenage angst, squabbles with parents, school, and of course our love. Yes, many of us found love in our teenage years, and I'm no different. The first kiss, moving to second base; everything happens during our teenage years.

And then, there's also some of us who want to just forget everything; the heartbreak, the name-calling, the zits. Yes, there were so many negative aspects of adolescence that being a teen is really a bittersweet memory to many of us. But why then, do so many of us call it the best time of our life; maybe its because we know that adulthood and the responsibilities that come along with it are looming. For me, it's the freedom; the ability to go out and have a good time every day, without having to work. It's also the relationships. There are so many complex, love-hate-admire-crush-wannabe relationships that I have with people, and I doubt that I will ever get them again.

So this is for my teenage life! And of course, my teenage love affair. <3

I see a Full Moon every 28 days. Yes, and so do 6 billion other people. The silence of it all just enthralls some of us; to others, its just a blob of light hanging in the night sky. Many of us will end up staring at it, as we grow pensive and begin to ask ourselves questions - is what we do on this Earth really significant at all? The Universe seems so vast; will it care if we break someones' trust? The pious ones among us will take this opportunity to thank God, and dream about his creations.

It always signals the beginning, the end or the halfway mark of important events. For some, the Full Moon brings a glitter of hope; it's a ray of light, that has been building up ever since the darkness of the New Moon. It's almost as if we are trapped in a cave, and we see a little light. It grows bigger every day, and it peaks during the Full Moon. For others, the Full Moon signifies the end, the end of an arduous journey; a journey that will have to be repeated every now and then. And for the rest of us, the Full Moon is the halfway mark; it's the ray of light that tells us to keep going - we're almost there.

Yes, the Full Moon means different things to different people. Some of us need it as a reminder, a reminder that life is nothing but a cycle of ups and downs. Some of us need it to make ourselves feel better; and some of us, need it to start a brand new chapter in our lives.

Yeah. I'm feeling really Gabbish. I have decided that I will definitely break into the entertainment industry, by crook or by nook.

cos I'm tired of you. 

Bye BYE Danity Kane. I ain't damaged no more. I am FIXED. I have no idea how, but it really does get all Better in Time. And for that, Leona gets an icon! Whoo Leona! I'm much better, and I'd like to thank the people who were there to help me pick up the pieces when I fell hard. Of course, I'm not 100% healed yet, and certain wounds will never heal. But this has certainly thought me a lot of lessons. Like keeping my mouth shut. And not being a fool for anyone. I'm going to give myself some respect, and I'm going to give myself a treat in June.

Farewell,
Ashu

Perfection. Something everyone strives for. Bree Van De Kamp/Orson/Hodge really has too much of this don't you think? But for people who follow Desperate Housewives, you would know that Bree has her fair share of imperfections. And yet, the other housewives hardly know about this. She keeps all of it under this concrete facade. It's far better to do this than to have your problems talked about by everyone (ahem, Mayer!). Ms Hodge, I admire you. <3

This is not from my actual journal. I just type this as I sit at the computer. I hate the nights. Because in the day, I have people convincing me that I'm over you. But at night, oh gosh it's so different. The stillness. And having a life-sized bolster that modifies itself to look just like you. And I wanna hug the bolster but I turn away, because I don't own you. I don't own you. You're not mine; you're someone elses. Why can't that get into my head, and why can't my feelings for you get outta my head. I want you out of my head; I really do. I just can't get you out of my head, boy your loving is all I think about.....