Ashu- -

when revenge takes over

Thu, 02 Jul 2009 14:22:58 GMT

Hey LJ.
This is just for you.
School's really been messed up for the past few days. I've tried to make amends, but no one seems to care anymore.
Well, let's rewind back to Thursday.
I heard from ****** that ****** called ******* ugly. How could she, really. So I wanted revenge, and I started this blog, and my life went downhill from there. Closed the blog at 1am on Friday, which is practically still Thursday night. On Friday evening, I got a call from Evelyn and was shocked. A Gossip Girl 2 had emerged, a girl with no creativity and no originality whatsoever. So I'm sorry, I just don't feel like talking about this anymore.
Wednesday, July 1 2009 was an all time low for me.
Let's hope life turns around for me now.
I wish I didn't lose friends because of this whole saga, but I'd be a fool to believe that I haven't. So thank you to people who have been by my side, sorry to the people I hurt and a big fat **** you to Ashu and Gossip Girl 2.

,ashu

Keep the David.

Secrets.

Wed, 24 Sep 2008 12:40:06 GMT

I was watching Desperate Housewives last week, and it made me think. Why do we really keep secrets? Why is there this compulsive need to hide things from the closest of the friends, from our families and peers? We all have them. Secrets which could kill relationships - which could change the way the world looks at us ever again. Secret lives we live in the privacy of our bedroom, but only a door away from being exposed. People have knocked on the doors to my secrets, and I have opened most of them to the select few. However, two doors remain locked, and shall remained locked. More or less, forever.

Tue, 02 Sep 2008 08:08:09 GMT

it's been quite a while, hasn't it? I've been so caught up with other things, that I neglected this. And it shall stay neglected for a while more.

Wed, 18 Jun 2008 11:05:23 GMT

When I grow up, I know I'm gonna be a star baby!

Thinking of you

Sun, 15 Jun 2008 10:41:53 GMT

People have interesting ways of learning of the many secrets and dirt which each of us conceal. Some of us, like to gossip. People trust us with their secrets and dirt, and we have a quiet knowledge about them. Some of us will immediately reveal the more juicy dirt, but will keep the more private, personal dirt to themselves and their best friends. Others, will straight out ask you, "What's your dirt?" and will not bother to beat around the bush, by pleading and promising; in the end, almost all of us will reveal our dirt to our friends who ask. Why is this so? Why do we have to go through such a vigorous route to reach the ultimate destination? It's because we like the power. We like the power that comes along with the begging. We know that we are in control, and we know that it is a chance once again to be gossiped about. These are the people who will casually tell the first 1/100 of a secret, and will reveal the rest gradually. However, there are some of us who just refuse to tell us their dirt. Are these weird people? I'd rather call them the powerful. They have enough power in their lives, and do not desire to get power from such means. In the end, it is this power which shapes our lives. It is our ultimate desire, to be able to control everything that happens.

Baggage

Wed, 11 Jun 2008 05:03:00 GMT

Life gives us so many relationships; and many of them are shortlived. We forget about most of them, but there are those few which we just can't get over. Even though we know that its over, we still hold on to everything - photos & SMS-es. We read these SMS-es and look at these photos every night before we go to sleep; and for the next eight hours, we lie in bed and fantasize of a rekindled relationship. It's great if we have someone to help us get over the relationship; reduce our load. But for some of us, we have to carry the whole load by ourself and it tires us out. But why do we even bother carrying this emotional load? Because deep inside our heart, we know that anything can happen; the person who you're trying to get over so desperately could just sweep you off your feat and bring you back into his arms.

Heroes

Mon, 09 Jun 2008 09:47:35 GMT

She carried the pitcher..thinking about her life. About the trials and tribulations she had faced. With each thought, the pitcher grew heavier. Finally, she could take it no more, and dropped it. The water flowed, and flowed. Everyone of us needs someone to catch the water we spill.These people are our heroes; they wipe our tears away and bring joy to our glassy eyes. But like they say, everyone who can heal us, can hurt us too. They can push our pitcher; they can make us sob bitterly - that's why choosing our heroes is oh-so important. A small number of us (including me) do not believe in other people being our heroes. Instead, we choose to wipe our own tears, and bring ourselves joy. However, obviously, we are in self-denial; the truth is, we don't have that many friends and not many people care about us. We are unwilling to face this truth, and so we lie to ourselves and others; but in the darkness of the night, we dream. Dream of a hero coming to wipe our tears away....

Sat, 07 Jun 2008 13:53:16 GMT

Change. All of us want to change; we want to let go of our horrid past and change our lives around. We want to change our image; we want to change ourselves. I believe that change, is always good. Change brings about new experiences; experiences we never could have experienced if we had remained who we were. I'm looking for a way to change. It is possible my dears, to change your whole life around; you could be a nobody today, and end up being an Oprah tomorrow - you just need to know HOW to change your life. And that's the hardest part. Finding out how to change. Thankfully, faith can get us through. Everyone has faith in something/someone; some put their faith in a higher being (God), others put it in other people, people they trust. I put my faith in myself, and in my dreams. I believe that I, on my own, can change my life to make the life I want.

Harbourfront

Mon, 02 Jun 2008 13:32:17 GMT

Imagine owning a house in front of the Sydney Opera House. Wow. That'll be so cool. Today was a great day. Had a lot of fun, but the sun beat down on me relentlessly. I mean really. Why is it so hot?! It's only June. Gosh. And this post is so immature!

Now for a more mature post! Okay. No inspiration. Tura.

Change..

Sat, 31 May 2008 10:29:18 GMT

Change really isn't all its made out to be. Not all change is good; there's so much negative change. I was talking to Esther today, and she told me she was watching Scooby-Doo, and that brought back more memories. I've been in this Scooby Doo craze for the past week, and so I finally went looking for Scooby Doo, Where Are You episodes, and I found them on YouTube. I watched one of them "A Night of Fright is No Delight" just now. It was really great to see Mystery Inc. from 1969 again. I last watched it in 1999-2000. Can you imagine? It's like almost 40 years old. And it still has this old-school charm with no other cartoon can ever emulate. Sigh. I also remember in Primary 1, my mum would tuck me in at 9 or 10. And then she'd rush to watch Ally McBeal. I always wanted to watch Ally McBeal. Who knows? I may start this hols.

Oh my | Beautiful

Sat, 31 May 2008 10:07:47 GMT

My iTunes and the Biography Channel inspired me to do that. Last night, I was watching the Biography Channel, and J.Lo was featured. I just had to make a J.Lo blend. And why Beautiful? I was looking at my iTunes - I had four songs starting with the word Beautiful:

Beautiful - Christina Aguilera
Beautiful Girls - JoJo
Beautiful Liar - Beyonce ft. Shakira
Beautiful Stranger - Madonna

Beauty certainly lies in the eye of the beholder. All of us would love to be beautiful; it's one of the top wishes of the world. We do so much to be beautiful; but once we are, what happens? Are our lives adversely changed? Mine definitely will. I can do so much more, if only I was beautiful. If only, I was drop-dead gorgeous. So gorgeous that I could reach my dreams in a *snap*. It's true. Beauty does wonders for you....I want it. I want to be beautiful. I really do.

Red

Wed, 28 May 2008 13:50:45 GMT

Bree's red hair. Sigh. Anyway, more Desperate Housewives today, and a lot more reflections. I'm really glad for so many of my relationships, which are parallel to those of the housewives. And as much as I say that I hate certain people, or that some people are better off out of my life, I know that deep inside I don't mean it! I need each and everyone of you to be who I am. To be Ashu. So thanks everyone. (:

Perfect

Wed, 28 May 2008 13:09:47 GMT

Yes. My life is almost perfect without you.

My Teenage Love Affair

Sat, 24 May 2008 06:45:13 GMT

Ah, teenagers. Everyone was a teenager; most of us want to be a teenager again, and some of us can't be more glad to get out of those teenage years. A lot of us remember our teenage years, for our teenage angst, squabbles with parents, school, and of course our love. Yes, many of us found love in our teenage years, and I'm no different. The first kiss, moving to second base; everything happens during our teenage years.

And then, there's also some of us who want to just forget everything; the heartbreak, the name-calling, the zits. Yes, there were so many negative aspects of adolescence that being a teen is really a bittersweet memory to many of us. But why then, do so many of us call it the best time of our life; maybe its because we know that adulthood and the responsibilities that come along with it are looming. For me, it's the freedom; the ability to go out and have a good time every day, without having to work. It's also the relationships. There are so many complex, love-hate-admire-crush-wannabe relationships that I have with people, and I doubt that I will ever get them again.

So this is for my teenage life! And of course, my teenage love affair. <3

Full Moon

Mon, 19 May 2008 12:20:48 GMT

I see a Full Moon every 28 days. Yes, and so do 6 billion other people. The silence of it all just enthralls some of us; to others, its just a blob of light hanging in the night sky. Many of us will end up staring at it, as we grow pensive and begin to ask ourselves questions - is what we do on this Earth really significant at all? The Universe seems so vast; will it care if we break someones' trust? The pious ones among us will take this opportunity to thank God, and dream about his creations.

It always signals the beginning, the end or the halfway mark of important events. For some, the Full Moon brings a glitter of hope; it's a ray of light, that has been building up ever since the darkness of the New Moon. It's almost as if we are trapped in a cave, and we see a little light. It grows bigger every day, and it peaks during the Full Moon. For others, the Full Moon signifies the end, the end of an arduous journey; a journey that will have to be repeated every now and then. And for the rest of us, the Full Moon is the halfway mark; it's the ray of light that tells us to keep going - we're almost there.

Yes, the Full Moon means different things to different people. Some of us need it as a reminder, a reminder that life is nothing but a cycle of ups and downs. Some of us need it to make ourselves feel better; and some of us, need it to start a brand new chapter in our lives.

I'm feeling Gabbish

Mon, 19 May 2008 11:16:50 GMT

Yeah. I'm feeling really Gabbish. I have decided that I will definitely break into the entertainment industry, by crook or by nook.

Mon, 19 May 2008 11:12:44 GMT

cos I'm tired of you.

Wed, 14 May 2008 12:47:27 GMT

Bye BYE Danity Kane. I ain't damaged no more. I am FIXED. I have no idea how, but it really does get all Better in Time. And for that, Leona gets an icon! Whoo Leona! I'm much better, and I'd like to thank the people who were there to help me pick up the pieces when I fell hard. Of course, I'm not 100% healed yet, and certain wounds will never heal. But this has certainly thought me a lot of lessons. Like keeping my mouth shut. And not being a fool for anyone. I'm going to give myself some respect, and I'm going to give myself a treat in June.

Farewell,
Ashu

Tue, 13 May 2008 11:02:08 GMT

Perfection. Something everyone strives for. Bree Van De Kamp/Orson/Hodge really has too much of this don't you think? But for people who follow Desperate Housewives, you would know that Bree has her fair share of imperfections. And yet, the other housewives hardly know about this. She keeps all of it under this concrete facade. It's far better to do this than to have your problems talked about by everyone (ahem, Mayer!). Ms Hodge, I admire you. <3

Long nights

Sun, 11 May 2008 06:49:27 GMT

This is not from my actual journal. I just type this as I sit at the computer. I hate the nights. Because in the day, I have people convincing me that I'm over you. But at night, oh gosh it's so different. The stillness. And having a life-sized bolster that modifies itself to look just like you. And I wanna hug the bolster but I turn away, because I don't own you. I don't own you. You're not mine; you're someone elses. Why can't that get into my head, and why can't my feelings for you get outta my head. I want you out of my head; I really do. I just can't get you out of my head, boy your loving is all I think about.....

Sat, 10 May 2008 13:08:25 GMT

Wanted to go for Bhootnath, but it wasn't showing. It's the new movie with Amitabh, Shah Rukh and Juhi starring in it. Just thinking of Juhi Chawla brings back a flood of memories.

The first is of me, my mum and my brother driving from somewhere in Serangoon Gardens to Bedok, the place where we used to watch Bollywood movies. We went to watch either Yes Boss or Duplicate.

The movie Yes Boss brings back murky-coloured memories of October 14th. Zee TV played it at 3pm on that Sunday and after it ended at 6pm, it happened. yeah.

Also there was this Duplicate song (which I shall post later) which me, my mum and my maid used to dance to in 2002. Yes, we would put on the "Dance to Bolly" or "Greatest hits of SRK" VCD and dance like there's no tomorrow (go PAULA!) xD. There was this guy today, who was wearing an interesting shirt - It said "Don't cry because it's over; smile because it happened" I for one, am someone who will cry after something ends. (Drama Night) But now, I shall smile, because it happened and gave me such memories to begin with.

Will I be singing a song like "Bye Bye" later on in life? Well of course I will. Mariah, I <3 U 4 writing such a song. The hardest thing to do is say bye. Verse 2 is kind of something like what I would LIKE to sing in 25 years. And yeah, I never knew I could hurt like this. I used to irk people who clung to their ex-es. BUt now I understand how hard it is to say goodbye. How hard it is to just be friends....LE....

Revamp me!

Sat, 10 May 2008 04:46:57 GMT

My LJ is going to be revamped. I just realised that I could have skins, and a different icon for each post! I NEVER KNEW THAT. Silly me. I'm going to make a banner for my LJ if I have the time later. Exams are over, so I can sit in front of the com and make graphics again! I haven't been making graphics in ages.

Love
Ashu

Fri, 09 May 2008 13:29:36 GMT

I write this on the bus, going home, weary after an extremely eventful day. As I sit on the bus, I'm happy. Happy that I finally got to slap him out of spite. It may have just felt like a tap, but I was filled with a jubilant satisfaction that FINALLY, I had been liberated from my despair, and that finally, I was free.

And yet, now I'm starting to think twice. Maybe he really did like me, but didn't want to show it? Maybe Daniel was someone he made up to make me feel jealous. Maybe. But why, why do I suddenly feel like alone? I was nothing but a toy to him. He can pick himself up, I'm sure. But can I? With so many things going on in my life right now, I am just so tired. Emotionally and physically.

The piano plays. "It's been the longest winter without you...See somehow, can't forget you...Go back, come back...I deserve it, now I realise that I didn't....No.....It'll all get better in time" Leona sings. Well, it will. I know it will, but its just a matter of when. I don't want and never wanted to lose him. He was my love, even if I wasn't his. Will I really be okay? It hurts, but they say it'll heal too...

Is there really no more you and me? OMG! I've become one of those clingy people. I should just cry and leave him alone, but I can't. Now, Aaja Nachle plays. I'll dance with you Madhuri! How I wish my dreams will come true. They will, won't they LJ? I love you!

LE ->

Baby I must confess
we were bigger than anything
remember us at our best,
and don't forget about, us....
I can see it in your eyes
You still want it
So don't forget about us

I'm just speaking from experience
Nothing can compare to your first true love
So I hope this will remind you
When it's for real, it's forever
So don't forget about us

There's only one me and you
and how we used to shine
no matter what you go through
we are one
that's a fact you can't deny...

I WISH!

And...it's hard to say goodbye...hard to see you cry my love...but I have to...

Bye LE....for now,

Love
Ashu

Fri, 02 May 2008 13:04:50 GMT

You want a nice post to read? huh LE? Let me tell you something. For one week, I was actually happy. I was happy that well maybe I had someone to <3, and someone who <3d me too. And you know. I was able to ignore the comments that people made about me and all. And now. Today. You tell me you used me? Arey, whoa. Just WHOA. You can just tell someone you used them for your gay shit sexual needs, and then you expect your friendship to not be affected? Of course it will be. I tried to sob in the shower, but tears refused to flow. All I have now is naphrat. Naphrat hai. And you just wait and see LE. You did this to me, and I will get my revenge.

Sat, 19 Apr 2008 08:49:14 GMT

So, back to my life. Today was kind of a very dull Saturday. Didn't go out at all. Got up early to try and study, but was just too distracted. I finally got to it at elevenish. And I've been on and off MSN, so you can see that I'm not exactly very focused. I have to go back and do some more, after a week with Ashu update.

Monday - Monday was kind of boring except for the Kranji war memorial thing, which I really enjoyed. Well the part I enjoyed the most was of course, trying to find people who died on MY and HILARY DUFF's birthdays! I found 4 guys for Hilary, and 3 for me. So anyway, it was kind of a moving experience to be in such a solemn place and all.

Tuesday - Tuesday was better I guess? I had to spend a whole 2 hours after school trying to file my stuff for Tamil, and Kumuda kept scolding me because of her attitude problem.

Wednesday - Wednesday was by far one of the best days of the week. I got to see Gerri again! After uh 4-5 days? Well yay! She looked great, and we all went out for ice cream. Unfortunately, Wednesday night was an all time low (As you can see from the post before the one below this), and I broke down for a variety of reasons.

Thursday - Forgetable. Oh wait. There was Sushi! So not entirely forgettable. But quite.

Friday - Another good day. Went to study after school, bought my dog a mint bone, bought E=MC2, didn't watch Survivor (too sleepy) and found a copy of Whitney Houston's biography on the bus! I'm saving it for Monday. I like to save books to read them on the way to school.